Peer rejection can be one of the most damaging, long-term realities of the classroom environment,especially for children dealing with emotional/behavioral disorders. At one
point or another, every educator has consoled a child who has been rejected
viciously. Though many authors have discussed the effects of peer rejection,
solutions often seem out of grasp. Vivian Gussin Paley’s book You Can’t Say You Can’t Play takes a very different and radical approach to the subject. After many years as a kindergarten
teacher, Vivian Gussin Paley had observed the brash dance of children’s interpersonal
interactions. As is most often the case, she noticed that the same children were
consistently being rejected in the classroom environment, and the same children
were consistently rejecting. Thus, she set forth on a journey that she shared with
her students to eliminate this classroom inequity so often thought unavoidable.
After much contemplation, Paley offered her suggested rule to the class, “You Can’t Say You Can’t Play”. A great deal of the book describes in compelling detail the open discussion
between Paley and her students regarding her proposed rule, “You Can’t Say You
Can’t Play.” The reader will be magically transported to her childhood through the
dialogue of Paley’s students. The rejected children defended the rule as strongly as the rejecting children opposed it. After much examination and debate, the rule was adopted in the author’s kindergarten classroom, though not without turmoil. The author is careful to describe the
moral and ethical dilemmas involved in such a dramatic classroom change, and the reader should not overlook this. Hard questions are examined such as whether best friends have a right to sometimes exclude others in play in order to maintain this sense of intimacy. It seems, though, for Paley, the struggle is as valuable as the outcome. Throughout the book, Paley draws the reader deep into her world through enrapturing storytelling. The fable of Magpie the bird is interwoven throughout the author’s classroom experiences. This fable was likewise shared with her students throughout the discussionprocess. Magpie’s journey to a far away land contains many interesting characters whose interpersonal relationships closely resemble those of Paley’s students. Notonly does Paley’s masterful storytelling serve to dually engage the reader in the
reality of childhood rejection; it reminds the reader that children are the ultimate players in this social game.
Since children with emotional/behavioral disorders are so often the rejected or the rejectors, “You Can’t Say You Can’t Play” is an invaluable resource for those educators working in this field. Unlike so many pieces of literature that examine the peer interactions of children, the book offers a plausible solution in an unintimidating and realistic manner. Likewise, as more and more information emerges regarding the effects of long-term rejection, the early intervention aspect of the book is timely. For many children suffering from emotional/behavioral disorders, such a rule could make a multitude of difference in their lives.I would recommend this book inequivocally for any educator, especially those in the field of emotional/behavioral
disorders. Even if the dialogue does not result in classroom change, it will open the reader’s mind to a new view of the classroom.
Other recommended books by this
author:
The Kindness of Children
The Boy Who Would Be A Helicopter
Kwanzaa and Me
You Can’t Say You Can’t Play
BY VIVIAN GUSSIN PALEY
HARVARD UNIVERSITY PRESS, CAMBRIDGE, MASS.
REVIEW BY LYNDA MHOON
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